We were driving to yogurt express by state and these girls mooned is while they passed us and we saw full vag complete with tampon string dangling.
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
ABOUT TO MAKE THE BIGGEST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE, SEND HELP
Have fun and good luck.
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
Randomize
