i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
the other night i did but this one wasnt and it was so random. i was hooking up with this boy who wanted to roleplay and pretend to be snakes
I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
I love wearing low cut shirts cuz then when class gets boring, I can look down and admire my breasts.
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
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