so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
You left your phone here
Wait...
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