Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
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