Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
Randomize
