Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
well, you know. whores of a feather.
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
I need to start dating older women. We tried sexting and she used more emojis than actual words. It was so bad that I did the math...her messages were 54% emoji. No one should make me feel this old when I'm only 28.
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