I hraet yuo
did you say you heart me or hate me?
who is this?
Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
Randomize
