drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
Randomize