i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
I'm more concerned as to why he has a playlist entitled Dem Club Beats.
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
Dude I've kinda accepted I may leave Nola with the clap.
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
Randomize
