Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
Question: terrible or awesome when a girl give you head so vigorously that you get a hickey of sorts
just saw an old couple make out...not too sure how I feel about it. though I will admit at one point I was thinking "oh yeah! get that!"
you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
Randomize
