Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
I am never drinking with the goths again.
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
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