Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
Randomize
