Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
My dick has a subreddit
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
Fuck me I smell like cheese
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
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