too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Randomize
