I was hooking up with him in my car, he wouldn't stop with my nipples, I had to literally beat him off of me. He kept groaning too while he was doing it. Sick.
Mommy issues
you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
Randomize