I am in a vortex of obligation.
is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
So not only did team sweden fail to particpate in any drinking game but i also found puke in my viking helmet this morning.
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
Randomize
