Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
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