I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
There was blood everywhere. She was pretty good looking person though.
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
I was not drunk enough for that final.
Randomize
