If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
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