i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
God gave him joint rollers for hands
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
I'm 25 and she is 19. She wants to practice blowjobs on me because of my stamina. Not only does the GI bill pay for me to go to school I am teaching a freshman blowjob course. I love Texas.
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
Randomize
