I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
Thats alot of pressure.
Just on your vagina. BTW I'm passing your house.
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
Randomize
