This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
just got dressed up for chatroulette- THAT desperate.
is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
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