My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
honey bunches of taint.
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
Randomize
