paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
Randomize
