Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
He did a backflip because drugs
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
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