And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
I want you more than these girls want KFC
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
Randomize
