is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
Randomize
