im six kinds of drunk right now
I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
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