my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
It's 3am, i just got back from ht e bars and registered for classes larteeeeee. History of baseball at 8am? at least ill meet the only stragiht gusy at NYU!
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
Randomize
