trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
Can you recommend a quality dick? I haven’t had a good sexing in a while
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