Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
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