i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
I don't remember anything from last night, but at track I found my thong next to the high jump pit... So it must has been decent
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
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