can u get pink eye on your cock?
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
Randomize
