Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
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