trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
Randomize
