Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
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