My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
3 2 1 whiskey
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
Randomize