Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
Randomize
