There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
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