So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
okay i know we havent talked for like weeks but i just really wanted to tell you that i miss your dick. like alot.
whose this? and thank you
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