You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
Randomize
