I only want to know people that are dynamic intelligent and totally insane
so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
Randomize
