remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
Randomize
