i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
Randomize
