He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
Randomize