I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
i hate this light. i wouldnt even hook up with me in this light
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
That reminds me...we need to get swords
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
he payed over $300 just to break into the hotel pool and skinny dip alone for 5 minutes and then peace in a cab. and all he had to say for himself was "gotta go swimming, gotta live life"
where do u find these people!?
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
Randomize
