Seeing Harry Potter 3D stoned: Pro- giant redheads w/cute accents. Con-weeping for stoners who only had Pink Floyd laser shows.
Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
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