My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
When you want to head down the cleveland on Sunday?
What time do the bars open? I dont want to remember how bad theyre gonna lose
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
Randomize