you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
why didn't we just drop out of school years ago and become dominatrix bitches who beat men?
I don't know but we should still do that
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
Randomize