my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
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