chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
Randomize
