hell yes lets make some ravioli
every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
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