there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
Randomize
