Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
Do it break your family into faction start a civil war
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
Randomize
