false alarm. still invincible.
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
Randomize
