I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
Randomize
