So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
Randomize
