Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
Randomize
