you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
Have you finally orgasmed yet?
if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
Randomize
