Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
Randomize
