I haven't been this sober since birth.
One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
i'm just sitting here going through her tagged pics, covering up different parts of her face to try and figure out exactly what it is that makes her so ugly.
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
Randomize
