I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
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