then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
I don't care if his family has ties to the mafia, you go over there, ride his dick until it breaks off, put his dick back on, and keep on riding. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Thanks for the support, sis.
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
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