Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
Randomize
