dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
Randomize
