Dude i just saw JT leaving the hospital. He drove there to get fluids because he was too drunk, so they hooked him up to an IV so he didn't get alcohol poisoning. Did I mention he drove there? Oh yea and our roommates in the hospital with alcohol poisoning, she just puked up coal. So many ppl are here, it's like a hospital party, I love spring quarter!
i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
Randomize
