Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
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