I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
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