My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
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