i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
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