I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
Randomize
