left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Randomize
