my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
You dont understand. she was my french AND spanish teacher. that's 2 kinds of freaky. i have to find her on facebook.
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
Randomize
