I got a call from 999 999 9999. I didn't answer it because I was too busy freaking out about the number.
It was probably Jesus.
I feel like he would have left a message.
Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
She used the word "fragged" in proper context. tell me that's not bust-nut hot.
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
Randomize
