can you pick up canola oil? she lives by wegmans
who is canola oil?
you're an idiot.
I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
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