I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
I just puked my brains out on the side of the road (see picture) And I took a picture for our scrapbook! I am always thinking! =) tell me your proud?!
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
hey can you send me that pic of that dude?...if this isn't Rochelle's phone...can you please find and tell Rochelle to send me that picture of that dude?
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
Randomize