Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
You're 20.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
I think it really helped to be hungover at accepted students day. it gave me a good feel for how it would be everyday if I go there.
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
Randomize
