you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
What I wanna know is who took a picture eiffel towering her?
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
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