I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
Randomize
