I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
Randomize
