i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
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