When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
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