you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize
