Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
Randomize
