I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
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