Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
Randomize
