I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
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