You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
Randomize
