What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
Friend date it is then. Question: Can friends engage in sexual activities after dates?
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
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