That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
Randomize