I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
Randomize
