i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
this will be a night to untag.
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
Randomize
