my phone needs a breathalizer
I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
its like whenever the snow comes all the hott girls drop out of school. where are they
I cannot convey how much I really do love Chris Hansen. FYI: he is the JC Chasez of my adult years.
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
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