I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
i hate this class. from the way they're all staring you would think they've never seen a girl in basketball shorts, heels and sunglasses.
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
Randomize
