literally had 100 drinks last night.
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
A bitchslap is in order.
Randomize
