she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
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