UD be completely fine. you don't lose control just keep a positive environment. for example i really want to lick the wall cause red is delicious but i don't have to.
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
Randomize
