how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
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