my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
Randomize
