So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
It's a draw. You need to settle it in Smash, Soul Calibur, and/or rock-paper-scissors, the last of which Steve claims is bullshit.
Randomize