Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
I'm also 3/4 on the frats. Its like my goal of traveling to all 7 continents, but different somehow and a lot less morally sound.
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
Randomize
