Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
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