I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
I think your dad took our porno
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
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