Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
I don't care if his family has ties to the mafia, you go over there, ride his dick until it breaks off, put his dick back on, and keep on riding. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Thanks for the support, sis.
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
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