No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
so thats when we found her crawling hands and knees up first street singing hold me closer tony danza as loud as she could
did she say where she was going
apparently she thought she was on morton hill and was trying to go back to the bars
Kinda felt bad though cuz she whimpered and shuttered a lot, i felt like i was kicking a puppy, only the puppy liked it and came a bunch
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Randomize