I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
We were driving to yogurt express by state and these girls mooned is while they passed us and we saw full vag complete with tampon string dangling.
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
Randomize
