I just made out with a guy for $7.
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
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