she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
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