Raging hang over. 6AM finish. Shat on a bag of trash in an alley. D L that last bit.
I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
CHAZ BONO WILL BE ON THE NEXT SEASON OF DANCING WITH THE STARS.
Internet Is back!
MY NEWS TRUMPS YOURS.
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
I made him laugh his dick is mine
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