You think ghandi was good in the sack? cuz i sure do.
I'm not gay.
Soooo you want ghandi? is that what your telling me?
If ghandi gives good head...I'm in
Its fine.
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
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