I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
Randomize
