You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
Randomize
