My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
Randomize
